Four Small Ways to be a Better Husband

Hey everyone!

So first and foremost, I just want to thank all my readers, it really brings me joy knowing that what I'm writing is entertaining or beneficial to you in any way. Please don't forget to subscribe and/or comment.

Okay now to my blog topic, a couple of days ago I wrote about "Five Steps to Being a Better Wife", and this is just my views on how men can give back and help us girls out or make us feel special/wanted and to help you be a better husband/boyfriend/partner.

So let me just enlighten you men for a brief moment about what most girls that turn into women want or expect of their men. At a young age, girls are taught to be ever so watchful of a man who WILL sweep them off their feet, and say all the right things, and make them feel like they are the most important woman in their world. Women are also taught to be romanced all the time--you know flowers, candy, compliments, the whole nine yards. So when reality hits and we end up in this head over heels love for you and get the romancing and courtship in the beginning then suddenly is fast forward to months or years later and found that the man they fell in love with and couldn't imagine life without has now become complacent and boring to the idea of romance. This may be why women turn to infidelity or fantasy novels such as the 50 Shades series.  Many women, including myself, feel that why after the comfort level does the courtship stop?! I am only speaking for myself but have heard from many women that they are in love with their men and couldn't imagine life without them, but after not feeling just a fragment of love or romance from their men, they feel unloved which stirs up many emotions--sadness, loneliness, anger... Do you get where I'm coming from?

Which brings me to my first point...

• Treat her like your equal
• As stated in my "Better Wife" blog, it isn't all about you. Your partner is your equal. Treat your partner with that same love and respect that you want. This person you expect to always be by your side and support you, do the same for her. Women are typically the comforters and supporters of the two sexes. This in NO way means that you men can't do the same. Example: Most men are the primary source of income, however the women who may or may not have income based jobs expect the same respect as you. Let's just say you worked an typical 8 hour shift and your partner has the responsibility to take care of your children, housework, lunch and/or dinner. Once you get home, a women's job doesn't end, her shift appears to be a long tedious blur we call a day.

This one ties into the next point...

• HELP OUT around the house
• Women typically don't expect for their men to come home and get to work on cutting the yard or fixing that crack in the wall that you promised was supposed to be done months ago. We understand that you worked and you probably had to deal with a jerk that got you  in a crabby mood and are just flat out tired from work. But to not even attempt to help out or even ask is just a huge slap in the face for us. Even if it's helping out with the kid's homework or cleaning up after yourself will do a huge difference in oppose to you just refusing to do anything. By the way the men who do end up doing something, don't expect to be rewarded with this huge gesture. For example: "If I do dishes, you need to have sex with me later". Really?! We work hard too so to bring me to my first point treat her like your equal. We give you that opportunity to rest, treat us like you want to be treated and give us that equal opportunity.
• Communication
• Oh my I can not stress this one enough. Most men are taught at a young age to "Be a man", "don't cry" which roughly translates in your cranium as don't show emotion. Which later hurts your relationship when your partner wants to just communicate with you and you tell her nothing.
• UGH this one is my Everest, I feel like my husband has build up a wall and will not communicate with me his problems, concerns, feelings...the list goes on.
• We know this one task may be difficult because you just weren't brought up that way...but guys we need this for the simple reason of misunderstanding. I don't know how many times, if my husband would just tell me what he was so stressed out about I wouldn't have misunderstood and it ending up in a fight. If he had just told me he was stressed and needed space I would have understood and honored his wish until he calmed down or was ready to talk.
• Affection
• So this doesn't mean you need to go out and buy flowers everyday, take her to expensive dinners, or buy jewelry for her every chance you get. A simple I love you, kiss on the cheek/lips, descriptive compliments i.e. "You look beautiful today", you know things that flatter her go a long way. To women we love the whole intimacy through everyday things. It tells us that you took time out of your day to notice something about us. It may mean nothing to you to say or do simple things of that nature, but to us it tell us a lot. That you are thinking about us, you care, you still love us..etc.

These are some things that could help your marriage/relationship for the better. I know things I mentioned are the things I yearn for in my relationship and most women just want to know they aren't doing this alone and they do in fact have a partner in life. I know not all men are like my husband, but the truth of the matter is all women want to feel loved. I really hope you got some insight that we don't expect you to give  us women the world, but small things that go a long way.

Thanks for reading, please subscribe and/or comment.

 

Sleep Deprivation+Pinterest=this post

 

Hey everybody!




So today I'm in a comedic mood from my sleep deprivation last night.  I was trying so hard to get into a comfortable position so I can fall asleep, but when I tossed and turned and saw no relaxation in sight, I got on Pinterest and started looking at pins, and one pin lead to another then all of a sudden BAM! I entered the funny posts on Pinterest and I was literally shaking the bed while laughing to myself. So I decided to post some of them here that seem very relatable to me and maybe to you as well. ENJOY! :)





Yup




TRUTH






If only...




BLAH...





EPIC FAIL

NAILED IT








ALWAYS

Occurs waaayy too often.

HAHA he looks like such a creeper.






#Messypursestatus

Let the photo bomb commence.






Basically the reason for my post



COMMENT OR LIKE, Thank you for visiting!



 

All images or gifs were from Pinterest and or Google.

Five Steps to Being a Better Wife

In the past 6 years of marriage I noticed that I was disrespectful to my new husband I did things that no wife who genuinely cared and loved for her husband did. I can honestly say I thought no matter what I said or did he would always be there no matter what. It wasn't until a small rift on my birthday made me re-evaluate my whole approach to marriage. He decided he was leaving me on my birthday and he wanted a divorce. Wait...WHAT?! Out of all days why now, why just why? So when finally I got to talk to him about what I did wrong why he felt he needed to leave I realized he wasn't wrong. I had been a selfish self-centered wife who did not deserve him. So I promised to change and I still am, it is very difficult to change who you are in the span of a day, a week, or a month. But I tried to really listen to him and he's wants.

• LISTEN TO HIM
• It's not all about you, he is you equal, your partner he wants a say as much as you don't over step him. You are not superior to him.
• TELL HIM EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT
• Guys are simple they just want to know what you want or need and do it. They hate mind games, especially mine. Just because girls know exactly what you mean when you insinuate something doesn't mean our counterparts do. I played so many games with him for example: During a fight I would run to the other room and wait for him to chase me and tell me all the things he was sorry about so we can make up and everything would be all better. Then get upset when he wouldn't and be in the next room just watching t.v. or playing he's video games. He didn't know what I wanted he thought he was just giving me space. If I just told him straight up, " I don't want to fight this is why I was wrong and this is what I felt you did"...fights wouldn't have multiplied and lasted so long and I could have had things go back to happiness and bliss.
• LET HIM DO HIS OWN THING
• This one actually surprised me I started telling him go ahead a play games or go out with friends to unwind. He appreciated me not being so clingy or always there and letting him be a guy. He started texting me when he was with friends and coming home missing me. (My husband struggles with his emotions and doesn't communicate well, but after giving him space he started to.) He told me he likes to hang out with the guys but after awhile all he wanted to do was come home to me and our daughter, but he is thankful for me not arguing about letting him do him. After days of dresses, makeup and girl shows he was able to be a man and let loose.
• BE SPONTANOUS
• Looks
• So say your a stay at home mom/wife like me and you know you aren't going to do much today and you do chores or watch t.v. and then take a shower. But what to put on...hmm a clean t-shirt and pajama pants or a cute shirt and jeans or shorts. Makeup or no make....all these decisions. Like honestly 9 out of 10 times I'm dressed in pajamas which is nice and comfortable. But men aren't always looking to come home after looking at what the entertainment industry shows them to a wife that look blah. So get out of those sweats or dirty work close and get nice and pretty for your hubby. Last time I did this he was like why are you all dressed up...I told him for you. He was surprised and grateful and wanted to go out which hardly ever happens when he gets out of work. Men are visual creatures and of course love you for who you are, but why won't you take that extra step and get dolled up for your man.
• Just Because...
• What does your husband like that you do that you rarely do. In my case it's cooking. I hardly take time to cook a real meal for my man, I always offer but in the end we get frustrated because we need to go to the store to get ingredients and by the time I make it we end up getting food to go...blah it's not excuse but that's what ends up happening. So do what you know he loves you doing just because. Buy him a gift just because or treat him to lunch at work. Guys want to know they are in your thoughts and doing things for them just because gives them a sense of appreciation.
• SET ALONE TIME
• So this one has been a big one since the arrival of our little one, we now have to set time for us to be a couple and not a mother and father. It's important to get to know your husbands wants and needs, goals and dreams as years passed you and your husband change. To have one-on-one time with your spouse will give them the chance to tell you about any struggles at work or in life or being grateful for the time you are spending as a couple. This time can be utilized to become intimate and create bonds with your spouse as well as just talk and be yourselves. I use this time to just get to know my husband and play around with him the way we did when we dated as well as create intimacy in the bedroom that would be non-existent if my daughter were home or awake.

Marriage isn't perfect and neither are people. These are just a few that I've been trying but I'm sure there is more. 

 

These are mine that I have been working on, I left my sources in the bottom of the page of which also have more tips, if you like or have tried any of these leave a comment below. If you have any additional ones that worked for you don't be afraid to let go. I want to hear from you.

Sources:
http://www.sheknows.com/holidays-and-seasons/articles/812457/6-tips-for-becoming-a-better-wife,
 http://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Better-Spouse
http://www.ehow.com/how_4491667_become-better-wife.html 
Photo used from http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/love/images/31501490/title/key-wallpaper

Life After Losing Baby-One Girl's Story of an Ectopic Pregnancy

On August 10th 2014, I collapsed at my parent's house. I had previously been feeling pain on my left shoulder and associated it with sleeping incorrectly. Little did I know that was a experiencing a symptom of Ectopic Pregnancy. (Ectopic or Tubal Pregnancy is when an egg which has been fertilized and settled in a fallopian tube or just anywhere outside the lining of the uterus) I remember getting sweaty and dizzy and just overall abdominal pain with bleeding--to which I concluded to be my menstrual cycle. The pain was so excoriating that while collapsed and yelling for help, I didn't realize that I had locked the bathroom door. My sister attempted to get in to help me but I had locked the door and had to drag myself to unlock the door. I had to be careful that my four year old in the next room was not alarmed by my unsettling state. I called my husband and he came immediately and offered to take me to the hospital for evaluation. I however, knowing that I had probably just had extremely painful cramping decided to just go home and rest and I convinced him and myself that I was going to get over the pain on my own.
My husband attempted to come up with reasons I had fainted and was in excruciating pain, he then told me that maybe I was constipated and needed to take magnesium citrate (a liquid laxative). The next day I took it and was literally in pain and indisposed ALL DAY LONG. I never questioned the motives of my husband more then I did when he came up with that brilliant "solution". So after feeling lighter and with very little sleep, I told him we had to go to my gynecologist to find out what exactly is going on in my body.
*****TMI*****On August 12th 2014 I woke up to  a chunk of tissue in my pad and to a pain that didn't seem to go away. I went immediately to my doctor which they made me take a urine test and I will never forget how I felt when the nurse and the nurse practitioner came in telling me that I tested POSITIVE in the pregnancy test and they wanted me to do an ultra-sound.
As I got ready for the ultra sound, my husband and I talked about hope since we wanted to be pregnant for about 3 years and this could be the blessing we had both hoped for. We attempted to stay optimistic and excited. The nurse and the nurse practitioner came in and begin checking me and I hoped so much to hear, "Oh you're blank amount of weeks pregnant, congratulations. To my husband and my devastation the words said was more like "we can't find anything in your uterus". They however did see a black area outside my uterus which they wanted my doctor to check me again and give his professional opinion.
Again my husband and I went to the waiting room and attempted to be hopeful against our better judgment.  As I sat in that waiting room and watching all those pregnant women with husbands, boyfriends or family members I broke down crying, I asked God, "WHY, why won't you allow me to have my little someone that I had been yearning to have for those three years?!" I prayed and prayed and cried, but when it was time for my other ultra-sound, the news was only bleaker then before. This time he had sadness in his eyes and told me the baby was probably 4-6 weeks along and I was hemorrhaging and needed to have surgery as soon as possible.
Around 7-8 p.m. that Wednesday, I had a surgery done to removed my right fallopian tube and my unborn baby  that could have never had a life even if I allowed myself to hemorrhage and die for the life of my baby.
Three days later, a follow up appointment was done and I got to see the pictures of my surgery. Apparently I was 2 MONTHS pregnant and I had was hemorrhaging on the day I collapsed. The baby had grown too large in my right fallopian tube and it had burst and blood began to clot. I was lucky I lived, I lost a lot of blood. Many women who hemorrhage from an ectopic pregnancy lose too much blood thinking they are just menstruating and end up losing their lives. What I wouldn't do to replace my baby's death for my own.
My husband has now proclaimed it is God's fault and he wants nothing to do with him and became and atheist. I am still hurt, but hopeful and thankful now. What a extremely lucky person I am to have a baby give up their life for me.
I only knew of my baby's existence hours prior to its death and I will eternally love and remember of that baby I never got to hold or hear its voice, see its personality, laugh. The irony of this terrible ordeal is that I became closer to God as my husband fled from his faith (not that it was strong in the first place). Life has become easier but I know life will be better.

Frances

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Photo courtesy of :http://helenabbott.com/pregnancy-loss/post-1-for-test-2/