Sunday, December 14, 2014

Five Steps to Being a Better Wife

In the past 6 years of marriage I noticed that I was disrespectful to my new husband I did things that no wife who genuinely cared and loved for her husband did. I can honestly say I thought no matter what I said or did he would always be there no matter what. It wasn't until a small rift on my birthday made me re-evaluate my whole approach to marriage. He decided he was leaving me on my birthday and he wanted a divorce. Wait...WHAT?! Out of all days why now, why just why? So when finally I got to talk to him about what I did wrong why he felt he needed to leave I realized he wasn't wrong. I had been a selfish self-centered wife who did not deserve him. So I promised to change and I still am, it is very difficult to change who you are in the span of a day, a week, or a month. But I tried to really listen to him and he's wants.
  • LISTEN TO HIM
      • It's not all about you, he is you equal, your partner he wants a say as much as you don't over step him. You are not superior to him.
  • TELL HIM EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT
      • Guys are simple they just want to know what you want or need and do it. They hate mind games, especially mine. Just because girls know exactly what you mean when you insinuate something doesn't mean our counterparts do. I played so many games with him for example: During a fight I would run to the other room and wait for him to chase me and tell me all the things he was sorry about so we can make up and everything would be all better. Then get upset when he wouldn't and be in the next room just watching t.v. or playing he's video games. He didn't know what I wanted he thought he was just giving me space. If I just told him straight up, " I don't want to fight this is why I was wrong and this is what I felt you did"...fights wouldn't have multiplied and lasted so long and I could have had things go back to happiness and bliss.
  • LET HIM DO HIS OWN THING
      • This one actually surprised me I started telling him go ahead a play games or go out with friends to unwind. He appreciated me not being so clingy or always there and letting him be a guy. He started texting me when he was with friends and coming home missing me. (My husband struggles with his emotions and doesn't communicate well, but after giving him space he started to.) He told me he likes to hang out with the guys but after awhile all he wanted to do was come home to me and our daughter, but he is thankful for me not arguing about letting him do him. After days of dresses, makeup and girl shows he was able to be a man and let loose.
  • BE SPONTANOUS
    • Looks
      • So say your a stay at home mom/wife like me and you know you aren't going to do much today and you do chores or watch t.v. and then take a shower. But what to put on...hmm a clean t-shirt and pajama pants or a cute shirt and jeans or shorts. Makeup or no make....all these decisions. Like honestly 9 out of 10 times I'm dressed in pajamas which is nice and comfortable. But men aren't always looking to come home after looking at what the entertainment industry shows them to a wife that look blah. So get out of those sweats or dirty work close and get nice and pretty for your hubby. Last time I did this he was like why are you all dressed up...I told him for you. He was surprised and grateful and wanted to go out which hardly ever happens when he gets out of work. Men are visual creatures and of course love you for who you are, but why won't you take that extra step and get dolled up for your man.
    • Just Because...
      • What does your husband like that you do that you rarely do. In my case it's cooking. I hardly take time to cook a real meal for my man, I always offer but in the end we get frustrated because we need to go to the store to get ingredients and by the time I make it we end up getting food to go...blah it's not excuse but that's what ends up happening. So do what you know he loves you doing just because. Buy him a gift just because or treat him to lunch at work. Guys want to know they are in your thoughts and doing things for them just because gives them a sense of appreciation.
  • SET ALONE TIME
      • So this one has been a big one since the arrival of our little one, we now have to set time for us to be a couple and not a mother and father. It's important to get to know your husbands wants and needs, goals and dreams as years passed you and your husband change. To have one-on-one time with your spouse will give them the chance to tell you about any struggles at work or in life or being grateful for the time you are spending as a couple. This time can be utilized to become intimate and create bonds with your spouse as well as just talk and be yourselves. I use this time to just get to know my husband and play around with him the way we did when we dated as well as create intimacy in the bedroom that would be non-existent if my daughter were home or awake.
Marriage isn't perfect and neither are people. These are just a few that I've been trying but I'm sure there is more. 
 
These are mine that I have been working on, I left my sources in the bottom of the page of which also have more tips, if you like or have tried any of these leave a comment below. If you have any additional ones that worked for you don't be afraid to let go. I want to hear from you.
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