Life After Losing Baby-One Girl's Story of an Ectopic Pregnancy

On August 10th 2014, I collapsed at my parent's house. I had previously been feeling pain on my left shoulder and associated it with sleeping incorrectly. Little did I know that was a experiencing a symptom of Ectopic Pregnancy. (Ectopic or Tubal Pregnancy is when an egg which has been fertilized and settled in a fallopian tube or just anywhere outside the lining of the uterus) I remember getting sweaty and dizzy and just overall abdominal pain with bleeding--to which I concluded to be my menstrual cycle. The pain was so excoriating that while collapsed and yelling for help, I didn't realize that I had locked the bathroom door. My sister attempted to get in to help me but I had locked the door and had to drag myself to unlock the door. I had to be careful that my four year old in the next room was not alarmed by my unsettling state. I called my husband and he came immediately and offered to take me to the hospital for evaluation. I however, knowing that I had probably just had extremely painful cramping decided to just go home and rest and I convinced him and myself that I was going to get over the pain on my own.
My husband attempted to come up with reasons I had fainted and was in excruciating pain, he then told me that maybe I was constipated and needed to take magnesium citrate (a liquid laxative). The next day I took it and was literally in pain and indisposed ALL DAY LONG. I never questioned the motives of my husband more then I did when he came up with that brilliant "solution". So after feeling lighter and with very little sleep, I told him we had to go to my gynecologist to find out what exactly is going on in my body.
*****TMI*****On August 12th 2014 I woke up to  a chunk of tissue in my pad and to a pain that didn't seem to go away. I went immediately to my doctor which they made me take a urine test and I will never forget how I felt when the nurse and the nurse practitioner came in telling me that I tested POSITIVE in the pregnancy test and they wanted me to do an ultra-sound.
As I got ready for the ultra sound, my husband and I talked about hope since we wanted to be pregnant for about 3 years and this could be the blessing we had both hoped for. We attempted to stay optimistic and excited. The nurse and the nurse practitioner came in and begin checking me and I hoped so much to hear, "Oh you're blank amount of weeks pregnant, congratulations. To my husband and my devastation the words said was more like "we can't find anything in your uterus". They however did see a black area outside my uterus which they wanted my doctor to check me again and give his professional opinion.
Again my husband and I went to the waiting room and attempted to be hopeful against our better judgment.  As I sat in that waiting room and watching all those pregnant women with husbands, boyfriends or family members I broke down crying, I asked God, "WHY, why won't you allow me to have my little someone that I had been yearning to have for those three years?!" I prayed and prayed and cried, but when it was time for my other ultra-sound, the news was only bleaker then before. This time he had sadness in his eyes and told me the baby was probably 4-6 weeks along and I was hemorrhaging and needed to have surgery as soon as possible.
Around 7-8 p.m. that Wednesday, I had a surgery done to removed my right fallopian tube and my unborn baby  that could have never had a life even if I allowed myself to hemorrhage and die for the life of my baby.
Three days later, a follow up appointment was done and I got to see the pictures of my surgery. Apparently I was 2 MONTHS pregnant and I had was hemorrhaging on the day I collapsed. The baby had grown too large in my right fallopian tube and it had burst and blood began to clot. I was lucky I lived, I lost a lot of blood. Many women who hemorrhage from an ectopic pregnancy lose too much blood thinking they are just menstruating and end up losing their lives. What I wouldn't do to replace my baby's death for my own.
My husband has now proclaimed it is God's fault and he wants nothing to do with him and became and atheist. I am still hurt, but hopeful and thankful now. What a extremely lucky person I am to have a baby give up their life for me.
I only knew of my baby's existence hours prior to its death and I will eternally love and remember of that baby I never got to hold or hear its voice, see its personality, laugh. The irony of this terrible ordeal is that I became closer to God as my husband fled from his faith (not that it was strong in the first place). Life has become easier but I know life will be better.

Frances

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Photo courtesy of :http://helenabbott.com/pregnancy-loss/post-1-for-test-2/